27 May 2010

Coffee

Caffeine is a hell of a drug. From this article, it provides the following benefits*:
  • Improves cognition, memory, and ability to perform complex tasks
  • Protects against Parkinson's, Alzheimer's diseases, Type II diabetes
  • Prevents brain degeneration, cognitive decline due to aging
  • Makes you happy! Alert! Use excessive exclamation points!
  • Increases aerobic endurance
  • Grants the ability to shoot laser beams out of your pores
  • ANTIOXIDENTS! (I don't know what these are, but word is they're good for you)
My favorite method of obtaining caffeine is also the most common in the United States; coffee. Ignoring the incredibly inanity of the Starbucks ordering system (where sizes are Tall, Large, and Twenty), I can go into any restaurant and ask for a Coffee, and have at least some idea of what they will serve. As a result of this coddling, its taken me a while to get to the naming customs here, and so I've compiled some useful information from my own experience and a little internet research.

Simply asking for a 'Coffee' will likely provoke more questioning from whoever you order from (especially if you try this on the average pedestrian), but you could end up with a Long Black (which is a shot of Espresso with about twice that in water, sort of like a Cafe Americano), a Flat White (Basically a no foam latte), a Cappuccino, or instant coffee. You will almost definitely not get a 'standard' percolated black coffee.

Also available is the Short Black (just an Espresso shot), the Short Macchiato (a Short Black with a dash of cold milk), a Long Macchiato (WILD CARD... usually involves Espresso and some sort of Milk; or could be an Italian adult movie star), the Cold Coffee (iced coffee), and the Iced Coffee (a delicious coffee-milkshake sort of thing) which is my favorite.

If anyone things for a moment that this seems a bit overly complicated, I will merely draw your attention to the Grande Double Light Soy Iced White Chocolate Mocha; which you can actually order at Starbucks without being laughed at from behind the counter**.

*One of these may not be true. Bonus points if you can figure out which one it is!

**Ask the same person for a 'Large Iced Coffee' though and they stare at you like an idiot. Starbucks is silly.

PS: Unrelated to the rest of this post, there was a beautiful rainbow over Sydney this morning, framed perfectly by my balcony. It made me quite happy that I had slept in through my alarm, otherwise I might have missed it.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Austen,
    Miss you much and judging you for two typos (I'm in the mood for it as Reese and I have been poking fun of Gala for his grammatical ineptitudes.) Anyhow, "thinks' instead of 'things' and 'antioxidants' instead of 'antioxidents.' I think that since antioxidents don't exist that that means that bullet isn't true.

    Therefore, I am glad that you informed me that there is a chance that drinking caffeine may result in my shooting laser beams out of my pores. Alas, this has not happened to me so far in my experiences with coffee. Perhaps caffeine ingestion through other means results in a larger percentage of Stimulated Emissions of Radiation (la-SERs).

    Anyhow, I do plan to keep some extra espresso beans around for self-defense purposes. Too bad pores are in such unusual places and in such large numbers that it would be somewhat impractical to use in this manner. However, I will attempt to convince my PI to mention this application in out next NIH grant proposal.

    But, further recollection provided me that espresso beans did not cause lasing in the case of the Brotherhood Retreat. Perhaps it is certain types of espresso beans or only rarefied caffeine pills (another research idea!!--and yes, i have had caffeine today!!)!

    Also, do bonus points count for anything? Or is this going "Who's line...?" style?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KAGwNtI26w

    I feel compelled to tell you that when I order frappucinos at the Starbucks on campus, there is one burista who refuses to make my drink unless i apologize for saying 'frap' instead of the complete, proper name. Although I applaud her dedication to the proprietary namesake of her company's products I do feel that as long as my order is properly understood and differentiated from other Starbucks products that she should accept my order dutifully and make me my drink. Only if the sudo command worked in real life (one can dream right).
    **You may know her. she is the short woman with a surprisingly vocal tenacity and grey shoulder legnth hair. She worked at the ITS coffee cart once as well.

    As for Long Macchiattos, I will search for such a thing during my short homage to the birthplace of my forefathers. If such a thing does not exist, I will do my best to artistically produce the purported alternative meaning. This will probably involve some confusion among random Italian citizens and hopefully not involve any action by the caribineiri.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carabinieri

    anyhow, i look forward to your next post and to future skype endeavors (do you have a webcam? i may be able to scrounge one up around the house. after all, someone needs to make sure that you are eating properly.. --you are eating, right?-- and with no one nearby to buy you clothes, one must ascertain weather or not you simply give up on your decaying wardrobe and join a nudist colony. If this does happen, however, there is no need for visual confirmation. i will take your word for it).


    cheers,
    Guy M.
    LH 313

    ReplyDelete